22.10

I don’t believe in falling in love. I don’t believe in love at first sight. I don’t believe in happily ever after. I don’t believe in perfection. I don’t believe in perfect matches. I don’t believe in almost nothing.

But I believed in you. I believed in you the way I’ve never believed in anyone. And you know that. You know how important you were to me. And I know how important I was for you:  less then I was expecting.

During the years, you know new people. You meet new souls, new bodies and new humans, that will make a difference in your whole life. But you’re the only one that chooses who. You’ve made your own choices. And I respect you.

“What is the worst thing a boy can do to you?”

“Making me second choice”

You putted me in the corner. You forgot me the same time you “fell in love” with her. Boys are really all the same. Everything that I’ve ever told you. Everything that I’ve ever teached you. Everything I’ve ever gave up because of you. Waste of time. I believed in you.

“I’m so done! Guys are all the same! Fucking assholes I don’t understand ‘hem! Do you even know what “I love you” means?! You say that to every deluded girl you find!”

“I’ve never said “I love you” to a girl”

You say you understand love. I laugh. You understand love as much as I understand football. I remember every single damn conversation, every single time you said you understood me. I might be wrong. I might be just stupid. But every time, every day, every single night, I heard. I heard that words. And I ignored ‘hem. I believed in you.

“I hate that bitch omg she’s so pussy please promise me you’ll never date any girl like that!”

“God save me girl!”

I can’t understand at all. What happened? I still can’t understand. But that day I knew that something was happening. That day I knew. The day you saw her and your eyes glowed.

“I’m thinking about the prom. I will definitely use all stars!”

“It’s missing 2 years yet. I’m just trying to realize who I will take! With who would you like to go?”

“I really don’t know”

“This is a bit awkward but I think I would take you I mean as my best friend”

That moment I blushed as hell, while I realized I would like you to do that. And then she came and I bet that, on that exactly moment, you repented you’ve said all that stuff. I believed in you.

“I’m a penis!”

“No, you’re a little penis!”

“Then you’re a big penis!”

“I’m a dick! Duhhh!”

We laughed. I loved that conversations, you know? The one’s in we could be who we really were, without caring about what everyone will think about us. You know me deep inside. I believed in you.

“I hate you piece of shit #punch him”

“I know you like me silly!”

“Noup”

“Oh yes I knew you love me!”

There were so many people jealous of us. So many people wanting something like we had. I always loved boys as best friends. The problem were that I always make shit: I fell in love. But this time, it was different. I already knew. I was sure since the begging of that. I loved you. I really loved you the way I’ve never loved anyone.

You’re not my kind of boy. You’ve never been. But I loved you. I would have done the biggest follies for you, be sure. I’ve never realized why. Now I understand.

In the past, I’ve dated guys that made me feel good. Guys the made my self-esteem higher and higher. And that's what made you different. I affronted you so much. Punched you so much. Yelled at you so much. But you liked me anyways. You loved me anyways. I’m pretty sure you did. I fucking believed in you!